Category: Life

Recalculating Route

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Most people think of me as fairly laid back and tolerant. For the most part, I am. But what they often don’t see is that I’ve spent my entire life fighting, and what appears as calm is more often mental exhaustion.

Over the years, I fought for love and affection. I fought for respect. I fought for opportunities that weren’t really meant for me. I fought for a better life than the one I knew in adolescence. I fought to stay afloat financially. I fought for truth, when people didn’t want to hear it. I fought for everything I have and everything I am. Nothing I have was handed to me.

Imagine running a mental marathon for 40 years. That’s what it’s been like, and I was exhausted. Need for escape from the fight had reached urgency.

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Goodbye, Silly Old Broad.

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If you’re lucky, you’ll have at least one friend who listens to your every story, joke, worry, and musing, no matter how boring or seemingly trivial. You’re even luckier if they take an interest in everything you do creatively and in your life in general, rooting you on when it seems everyone else is too busy or just doesn’t care enough to take the interest. I was just that lucky when I met a silly old broad from New Jersey. (She loved being called that, so it’s purely complimentary.)

I met Carleen in a car forum called Focus Fanatics—I had a Ford Focus, she didn’t. She had followed a friend of hers to the site after they met on another forum. She was just discovering the Internet and… Read More …

small boy smiling

Limitless Hope

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Every now and then a story is just so touching and sugary sweet that it gives you limitless hope for humanity.

You know the type: puppies/kittens/ducklings are saved from certain death by big burly firemen; an anonymous stranger buys an entire Christmas for a needy but humble family; a woman lives a meager life doing laundry for others, only to donate $150,000 to a local university for needy students. You just can’t help but appreciate that humanity can be good, even in the midst of madness or adversity.

The story of Caine’s Arcade is one such story. On the surface it just seems like any other filler story on the late-night newscast. But it’s so much more. Read More …

Hope Springs…

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It’s getting a bit cliché, but spring means it’s time for renewal and growth.

This spring, that’s what I’ve been up to. I’m renewing myself, my dreams, and my goals—or trying to, at least. I’ve already been working on myself in a few ways, including health, attitude, and self-confidence. (I’ve been known to doubt myself on occasion.) I’m even renewing and refocusing my web presence.

Now I have to put the wheels in motion for more change… Read More …

Glimmers

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Sometimes life just gets to be routine. I think we all experience such periods, where time passes but nothing seems to be happening. Hell, some people like it that way, but I don’t. I need change. I need substance. I need life! Typically, I have those things—but not always.

Lately I’ve had one of these periods, almost since the time I finished my master’s degree in 2009. Sure, I stay busy, learning all I can about the things that I hope will be helpful in my career or at least in my hobbies. I’ve designed and helped edit two books. I’ve also been applying for jobs off and on, but believe me, there is nothing in that process that feels like life other than the slight hope of landing that perfect job. And that hope isn’t always there. Sometimes it’s just… Read More …

Finding Magic

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Christmas used to be that one time of year when magic seemed really possible. Every year we’d all pile into our big American-made car for Christmas Eve at Mamaw’s, and on the way home we’d always gaze out the back window, looking at the star-filled sky for some sign of Santa, as we raced home to beat him. After we were too old for that, we’d watch for the equally elusive southern Mississippi snowflake. There was magic to be seen, even if we never saw it.

Christmas meant a twinkling tree, special food, a few unexpected gifts, and Christmas music. That was about it…and it was enough. I don’t remember commercials telling us to give the “gift of asphalt” to our loved ones by getting them a Cadilac. I certainly don’t remember… Read More …

До свидания, профессор.

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If you’re lucky in life, a handful of people change your perspective on the world. Just a handful. For me, those people were mostly professors when I first ventured out into the world and moved 1200 miles away for college…alone. On the surface, that first academic venture failed miserably, as I dropped out after two years. But it was still paramount to making me who I am now.

Those few professors opened up the world for me, to many topics, ideas, and ideologies. Dr. Donna Budani opened my mind to cultural studies after I took a few of her mid-level anthropology courses in the 1991/1992 year. (I hadn’t even been sure what “anthropology” was until then!) She also gave me my first college “A,” at a time when so many other courses were pushing me toward disenchantment, if not misery. Thanks to her, I went on to add a second major in anthropology when I returned to school. Another of those inspiring professors was Dr. Alexander Lehrman… Read More …

The Journey

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“As a basis for change, we need to recognize that as long as we live in this world we will encounter problems, things that obstruct the fulfillment of our goals. If, when these happen, we lose hope and become discouraged, we diminish our ability to face these difficulties.”—His Holiness the Dalai Lama, The Compassionate Life

For me, life is all about the journey. When we think we’ve found contentment and comfort, that’s usually when unhappiness creeps in. If we are always striving for something better, we stay filled with hope, and life seems to have much more purpose. If nothing else, we stay too busy to let things make us unhappy… Read More …

Let’s Try This Again.

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I posted on this very topic before. To list the cliches: Something’s gotta give. I’m stuck in a rut. I’m at the end of my rope. I’m a man on the edge!

All of it is true. I’m sick of the same old shit—the same old places, same old people, same activities, even the same foods. No offense to anyone, of course. I just can’t take much more. I need to move on, one way or another.

The job hunt has been a heap of suck, frankly. Because of work, driving to work, preparing for work, trying to cook for pennies, then cleaning, etc., I just don’t have a whole lot of time to apply for jobs. Add in a bit of exercise or some out-of-the-ordinary drama/responsibilities, and well, no applications go out. Read More …

Inspiration

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I love winter—I really do. I love the snow and brisk clean air, and I always have enough pockets to carry everything. (I lose things more often in summer!) But spring just inspires the soul so much more. It gives pause. Sometimes it even takes the breath away. But it almost always gives hope.

Perhaps spring just inspires the hope that all things can be reborn, at least with a new look or a fresh start, even if not with a new purpose. I keep waiting for my chance to burst out with a new identity or new direction. I keep feeling… Read More …